It has been a month since my last entry. I am back home in Northern Michigan. I don’t know where the time has gone, but every day seems completely full. How on earth will I ever find the time to squeeze in a job? In a couple of days I will be speaking at some of the local churches about my trip. I’ve been trying to reflect on my entire journey and figure out how I can accurately describe the past 6 months in such a limited time. After reading through many old journal and blog entries my mind is overloaded. I doubt I will ever be able to share what my heart feels, but it will be interesting trying.
A friend of mine commented that as they followed my blog they noticed at first I had this “conquer the world attitude”, but then my spirits seem to drop as I realized that no matter what I did the poverty and evil would always continue. I think my friend was right. I look back at my journal and remember a few entries where I felt utterly helpless and wasn’t sure how my presence in Africa could ever help anyone. But somewhere along the way I felt at peace with my situation and realized that it was possible to make a tiny impact and that was sufficient enough. Maybe that is all God wanted me to do there. One tiny impact was more than I ever would have done back in America. On my final day, Kuyasa had a little going away gathering for me and some people spoke about how I helped them. I had no idea. Here I was feeling like I didn’t really help anyone because I couldn’t see any results. I quickly learned that the impact I had on a few individuals helped all of the other people that they worked with, which rippled down to help others and so on.... What a simple theory. Be kind and helpful to everyone because more than likely they will be kind and helpful to the next person and then the kindness can spread like an infectious good disease.
Speaking of diseases, before I went to South Africa I never quite understood how crime, poverty and HIV could be so prevalent in a country. Like most sheltered northern Michiganders I was pretty ignorant growing up in my safe little environment. We didn’t even use locks on our high-school lockers. That part of my journey was very tough and still hurts my heart to think about everything. Kids grow up witnessing sex, violence and alcoholism on a very personal and serious level. They are affected by it daily and abused in ways we could never imagine. Those kids grow up thinking that is normal and never understand what a healthy family might be like. Sadly, many of the teenagers get pregnant very early on and find themselves in a complicated financial situation and struggle. The father of the child generally leaves the pregnant girl and she ends up a single mother with yet another baby in a shack, growing up without a chance. The cycle continues.
On a positive note, some of my favorite memories were at the camps where I was able to bond with the children and teenagers away from that environment. At these camps away from the township we were together 24/7, sleeping in the same bunk rooms for days at a time. We shared the same bathroom and showers, ate the same food, played the same games and shared very personal stories. We were all equal. I grew to care for these children so much and it broke my heart even more when the bus returned and I got in my car to drive home to my safe, warm, clean house with running water and electricity - and they walked back down the dirt roads to their tiny little shacks. Many times things felt so unfair and there was nothing I could do about it. What a helpless feeling.
I think one of the most exciting parts of my journey was near the end when I was able to help Yandiswa get into college. I can’t thank my friends enough for the support and the financial help. Everybody had a part of this. Anyone reading this blog now. If you are reading it, then you are emotionally involved and I’m assuming you care about me and were praying for me over there. Your prayers gave me the energy and courage to help this one child have a chance at a better life. I prayed every night for God to help me find a way. And he answered. He always does. That was amazing and I cried many times with Yandiswa. Happy tears. Sad tears. More happy tears. Good-bye tears. Yandiswa and I are keeping in touch through emails. She is doing very well in her classes and loving every minute of being a college student. She tells me all about the friends she is making, how much she is enjoying her classes and I can see her confidence growing. It’s so incredible.
Some people have asked if I regret quitting my job. The answer is no. Not at all. I would do it all over again and couldn’t have asked for a better journey. I felt God calling me to serve over in South Africa and although I was scared and at times crying with the decision at hand, I decided to listen (for once) and obey. The experience was amazing. I’ve never felt so many different emotions before. It was a big leap of faith and I am very blessed to have had the opportunity to do such a thing. At times it was scary, lonely and mentally challenging, but those times made me stronger and my trust and faith in God grew. Our friendship grew. I knew he was in control and would keep me safe. The time away made me realize just how important my family is to me and how fortunate I am to have a family that loves me so very much. The time away gave me such a fresh perspective on my life and everything that I always took for granted. I feel very different now. I had a lot of time to think and process my life. It was a good thing for me. I have peace now, and I would have never had that had I stayed in my job and never took this journey. While I helped others God helped me.
In my mission journal there was a paragraph that I high-lighted: “Don’t ever let anyone convince you that you have no power.... All significant changes in the world start slowly, at a single time and place with a single action. One man, one woman, one child stands up and commits to creating a better world. Their courage inspires others, who begin to stand up themselves. You can be that person.”
Now I start another chapter in my life. A little wiser, a little stronger, and a bigger heart. I hope that some of my words throughout the past 6 months might have inspired you a little bit. Maybe to consider all of your blessings or to spend more time with your loved ones. I would highly recommend trying to go on some type of short term mission trip through your church. I promise you that it will be life changing and you won’t regret it. And if you don’t have that opportunity at least try to volunteer from time to time in your community. So many people out there need a little help. You never know how your tiny impact might change their lives, even if its just once. Kindness is contagious.
Thank you for all your prayers and support. If anyone would like to contact me, my cell is: 704-996-5850. I will be relocating to the Traverse City area and am happy to be giving Northern Michigan a try once again. =)
Much Love,
Katie
